week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
it's great music for shaving your balls
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
