he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
