I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
