I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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