i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
