It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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