All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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