do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
