I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
