You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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