its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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