my mouth tastes like poor choices
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
