i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
