im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
