The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize