Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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