peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
