Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
