We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
