Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
