I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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