I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
