I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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