the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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