i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
