All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
