I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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