He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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