he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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