I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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