Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
