Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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