loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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