gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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