Are we in a gay sports bar?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
