Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
