see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
we're so committed to being not committed
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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