Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Randomize
