How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
