he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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