I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
