it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
