NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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