Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
