Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
