youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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