She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
