I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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