She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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