I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
