O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
