My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
