I want to stick my p in your. b.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
