I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
