Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize