That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
