i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
