Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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