My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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