First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
