When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
