Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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