I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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