By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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