He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
