Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
worst night to have a conscience
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
