well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
