well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
