Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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