She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
