My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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