my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
