I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
