you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
