he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
