I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
