Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
