can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize