I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
