it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
