just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
