Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
