are you so shy because you have an std?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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