So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
