Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
