when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
