You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
