Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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