As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
