Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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