State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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