I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
