I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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