perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
