My room smells like vodka and shame
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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